I can give you all of the typical reasons. I need to work on myself. I don't have enough time. I'm not sure what I want. I don't want to tell you you're Friend-zoned. I want to consider my options. It's not you...it's me. You deserve better...yadda yadda yadda.
That's all true, in one way or another. It's all relative depending on the situation. There's other reasons though, better reasons...
My head is still whipping from the past year. Surely I have developed a serious case of whiplash by now.
The messed up thing is that I saw it all coming. Every time. Make that a reason we can't date: I can see a storm coming my way and yet I hope and pray that the outcome will change, even though I know how it's going to end. Depressingly optimistic is what we should call it.
I don't know when to just let things go. It ties into the previous statement, but it's also something seperate in it's own right. I don't like to just give up and walk away from things. If I care about you, I'm going to fight for you. I'll tell you what I think is wrong, and I'll try to change it. If it's something on your end, I'll try to be supportive and understanding and do my very best to be there for you through thick and thin. Life has taught me that not everyone can appreciate that tenacity.
I'm opinionated. Maybe too much so. I have my own thoughts and ideas about things, and I like to make them known. I like to debate. I like to argue. I like to sit down and research something for days on end to help support my thoughts- I like to return to a topic that you thought we were already done with. With that, I know when to admit that I'm wrong.
I genuinely like being alone. I don't want to be someone's entire world, I want to be a piece of it. It seems to me like a lot of people have an issue with that. They want someone that they can focus all of their energy and attention and love on. Granted, I like to do that, but not to extremes. I like to text people and let them know when I miss them. I like to occasionally go out of my way to do something nice for someone. It's nice to be appreciated and return the favor. On the flip side - I like to go to movies alone. I like to sit down somewhere by myself and have a coffee or a meal. I thoroughly enjoy days where I can sit on my couch and binge watch Netflix alone. I like to take trips and go on adventures all by my lonesome. That's not to say that I don't like to do those things with other people - it just means that sometimes I like to be alone with my thoughts and I won't mind telling you that.
I don't sugarcoat things. I tell things like they are a good deal of the time. Please don't ask me questions that you don't want the answers to, because I'll say it anyway. By far my favorite example of this is when someone asked me if he was the most attractive guy that I've ever dated. He was not pleased when I told him, "People are attractive in lots of different ways" instead of boosting his ego a little. Serves you right for being naive enough to think I'll lie to you to make you feel better for a moment.
Along with my optimism, I am also a confusing mix of pessimism. I sometimes do believe that it's only a matter of time before a good thing I have goes south. This is because it's a repeating pattern in my life. It doesn't matter the situation or person - I have awful luck. It's like the universe sees that I'm happy, so it throws me a curveball that I don't always see coming and I get hit in the face. When this happens, I will almost always do something to sabotage myself. I'm still trying to figure out why I do it. I think it's because I'm scared - like if I ruin something enough, there's no chance of ever getting it back. It's easier to take a mess, make a bigger mess of it, throw my hands up after I take responsibility for my actions and then just walk away. Hurricane Casey - making mass casualities since roughly 2007. It's something that seriously needs working on.
If everything I just wrote out for you seems a little...let's say...overwhelming, I highly recommend you head for the hills. This seems like a lot, right? On top of all of the typical reasons? This is only just a piece of what's going on. Imagine what else there is floating around inside of this crazy brain of mine. Of course, I do have redeeming qualities about myself. We'll get into that some other time though.
I am sure that by this point I have made your eyes tired from reading. You are tired and either freaked out, or contemplating how dating me might be a challenge that you're up for. We all have a lot to think about. Be on the lookout for another post in the near future about all of the positive reasons it's a challenge to date me - what it is I have to bring to the table and what I expect from you in return.
The simplest answer to that question is: Because I don't want to. However, that is neither a proper sentence nor a proper answer. It's the truth though.