Oh Christmas time. How I absolutely loathe thee.
I don't actually hate Christmas. Just Christmas shopping. It's a lot of humming and hawing and all for what...ONE DAY?
I am considering converting to Judaism just because it seems like they've got the right idea with dragging the event out instead of letting it last for one measly day and then calling it quits.
Either way, whatever religious or non-religious side you're on...the fact remains, that we all have to buy presents for the people that we care about.
In the past, I have strictly on-line shopped for gifts. It lets me avoid the malls, the crowds, the traffic and the inevitable desire to want to murder everyone around me. This year, I was fortunate enough to run into money issues that did not allow me to order things online with enough of a guarantee that they'll be at my house by the time the big day comes.
I got to relive all of the wonderful American past times involved with holiday shopping.
My mission was to buy presents for four kids, my son and then my three littlest siblings, ages eight, six, and two. My next closest sibling is sixteen and his gift was easy enough. I brought him and his girlfriend to New York City for the day to see Crown the Empire in concert. And that lucky little bastard got them to sign his hoodie. (Granted, I met them too, got to see them and shake their hands and fan girl and what not) He's never getting a present from me again. That gift equals ten Christmas presents.
So, shopping for four kids. Easy. I already knew what I was going to buy all of them. Even easier. Ohhhhhhhhhh no. Not easy. Shopping the last weekend before Christmas, easy? Haha, I must have been suffering an aneurysm when I got that brilliant idea.
Let me recap to you how this went down:
First stop. Toys R Us.
I was feeling good on my way there. There wasn't any traffic, I got through the lights and into the parking lot quickly enough. Here is where the trouble starts though. Parking is an absolute nightmare. Cars are lined up and down the main drive, hoping to find a spot up close. Meanwhile, you're coming down a lane after not having any luck and needing to get to the main drive so that you can also join the crowd in searching down more lanes for a spot. But OH NO, GOD FORBID anyone lets you in the never ending stream of cars and back out into traffic. Because I absolutely love sitting there for twenty minutes, wasting gas just sitting there and idling while I move my car out inch by inch as a way of saying, "Hey there ass face, you're going to let me in or you're going to hit me. You decide." Never mind the speakers in my car don't work so it's not like I can try and forget this catastrophe with some holiday music. Or maybe death metal, to help fit my present mood.
After getting into traffic again and eventually finding a parking spot (which I will later forget where that is, and end up walking around the lot for a half an hour because I can't use my key-fob since I lost that in New York City somewhere) I make my way towards the actual store.
First though, I have to navigate my physical being through the aforementioned traffic. It's a little easier since I'm considerably smaller and easier to navigate than a car, but it's still equally as risky. Doesn't matter though...play a human version of Frogger through the parking lot and make it to the front door. Where I'm barraged by state troopers and hospital workers asking for donations to the local Children's Hospital. Naturally, my caring nature makes me consider the sick, needy children as I walk through the store. And of course I buy something for them. Good karma and all.
STORES. THESE DAMN STORES. I swear to GOD for Christmas stores PURPOSELY make it impossible for you to walk around without having to walk through the whole store first. Actually, I know they do that on purpose. It's good business sense. Make it so that we all only have one way to go, and there's no way we'll miss anything, and be more likely to buy stuff. Well...FUCK YOUR GOOD BUSINESS SENSE.
Christmas shoppers....for the LOVE OF GOD please, PLEASE know what it is you're going to buy before you go into a store. You walking around aimlessly, stopping randomly in the MIDDLE of an aisle with your big ass cart that you're not going to move no matter HOW many times I politely say excuse me.....none of that HELPS the actual shopping process. What it DOES do however is slow down everyone around you. We all now have to navigate around your stupid ass, while you look at your list and consult with the three other people you brought along with you. And for whatever reason, when I get fed up with you being in my way and not moving your cart, you are ballsy enough to glare at me when I take matters into my own hands and move the cart myself. Enjoy a nice dose of bitch face as I continue on by you...you who has now wasted five whole minutes of my life with your silly antics.
If everyone knows what they're going to buy before they go into the store, it makes things ten times easier. You won't be frantic and in my way, for example. You'll get what you need and quickly get the fuck out. But that's too easy. That's too much to ask.
So here I am, navigating my way through the store, ear buds in and music on full blast, so that it's aware to everyone that I am in a hurry and in no need of help or assistance or desiring for a random stranger to ask me what I think of this particular toy even though I don't personally know the kid they're shopping for. What a stupid thing to ask someone.
Anyway, obviously in a hurry and in no desire to chat, I see one of my patients. I offer a polite smile and continue walking , but am quickly thrown for a loop when she grabs onto my arm as I walk by her and swings me around to chat. DEAR GOD. WHY ME? WHY HERE?
She starts with: I think that I need to call you on Monday to talk about my bill.
Me, in my head: Well good, call me on Monday. I've got better shit to do lady. I don't come out into public to work.
Me, in actuality: Oh yeah, I remember sending you a letter. Definitely call me on Monday. (It's actually been four letters at this point. And I'm turning to walk away. Putting my ear buds back in.)
Her: I don't understand how I have a bill. I have two insurances. I shouldn't have a bill. And for thirteen dollars? What a weird amount.
Me, in my head: DEAR GOD. CALL ME ON MONDAY. DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE MY COMPUTER IN FRONT OF ME? DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I HAVE HUNDREDS OF FINANCIAL ACCOUNTS MEMORIZED!!?!?! (In all fairness, I DO have hers memorized. The thirteen dollars is from her deductible. For the one insurance I have on file for her. Her second one was inactive at the time. But I'm not about to tell her this. I am not on the clock. I am not available to her in that particular capacity at this moment.)
Me, in actuality: Yeah, that is weird. Give me a call on Monday, and I'll take a look and see what's going on. If there's two insurances your secondary should have picked that up. We'll get it figured out.
She continues to try to talk to me, but now I am officially walking away from her because now she has made me one of those annoying people who stands in the middle of an aisle to stop and chat with a million people trying to navigate around them, and I will just not be a part of that.
Next on the agenda: The Christmas shopper who will fight you to the death for an item.
I have had few occasions where this actually happened to me. But it has happened. There is one of something on a shelf...the last one, and you see another person going for it the same time that you do. You turn to check them out, see what your chances are of dying if you try to go for it before them. Do they have that crazy look in their eyes? Do they look like they might have rabies? Will they sit on you and crush you to death from how fat they are in a terrible, adult temper tantrum because you got the toy before them?
Now see, I have never, ever been in a situation with a person like that. Namely because no toy is worth fighting to the death for. If you look that insistent on needing to just have that toy, I'm gonna let you get it. If it means that much to you to take on a random stranger for a toy, you go ahead an be my guest. My kid, my siblings, will all live without it. They can have something else. They're not picky. They'll appreciate anything that I give them. You go ahead and continue breeding your fantastic breed of spoiled-ness. Enjoy what I'm sure is going to be hell because you've raised a rotten kid who will just die if they don't get exactly what they asked for.
Ugh.
Can't find half of the stuff on my list at this point. Damn stores are so confusing and nothing is stocked. Substitutions are made. A series of calls is placed to my father to make sure that no one else has bought what I've chosen as my substitutions. He has no idea, so I take my chances. Speed walk my way around the masses to check out, which thankfully goes smoothly.
From there, it's back out into parking lot hell. If hell exists, in my head, it is something akin to a before-Christmas parking lot. I would probably rather be in actual hell than in this parking lot again.
From there I make my way to Best Buy. Where I cannot, for the life of me, find any actual DVDs, or anyone to point me in the right direction. Every associate is busy explaining this thing or that thing to a shopper who has no idea what they're actually looking for. Most look like moms who were sent on a mission for an electronic device that they've never even heard of before now.
I eventually find what I'm looking for without much incident. The only slightly aggravating thing was a grown ass man yelling to someone about xbox games. Not awful though.
I saved the most horrific thing for last though....the mall.
OH. THE MALL. AND MALL SHOPPERS.
The mall can be compared to Toys R Us, just on a much grander scale, traffic and all. By some small miracle, I find a parking spot close to the front of the book store. The book store is my kid's favorite place in the mall, and most of his presents are acquired here. I also have the issue with them not having exactly what he asked for, but that's okay. I found other things. Plus, there's a whole mall out there with other potential things to buy.
The bookstore is easy to do. There's not a whole lot of people in there. (What!? People don't want books for Christmas? They'd rather have more modern stuff? Get outta here. Thank God my kid is awesome.) It makes it easy to find what I need and get out of there quickly.
I had a moment of pure elation when I brought the bags from the book store out to my car. I was just dumping the stuff off in my car and going back in to actually go shopping in the mall. Sure enough, as soon as a car saw me walking out and to my own car, they car-stalked me back to my parking spot. I can just imagine their delight in finding a spot SO CLOSE, and then their absolute disappointment when they realized I wasn't leaving. HA HA. Serves you right for car stalking. I hate having a car sit behind me and wait for my spot. I feel rushed that way. I need time to dig my glasses out of the bottom of my bag. Get my seat belt on. Adjust my phone in its holder and try and find something to listen to on Jango since my speakers don't work and I can't sit in a silent car. DO NOT WAIT BEHIND ME. KEEP DRIVING BUDDY, I WILL NOT BE RUSHED! I bet you were one of those asses who wouldn't let me back into traffic earlier.
Back into the mall I go. Speed walking around people again. Trying to force my way around the masses who have yet again just stopped dead in the middle of the walkway! WHAT GIVES PEOPLE!? DID NO ONE TEACH YOU TO MOVE TO THE SIDE IF YOU NEED TO STOP!?!!? SHAME ON YOUR PARENTS FOR RAISING YOU SO POORLY.
Getting hit in the shins by people's shopping bags. Nearly being run down by strollers time and time again. Being bombarded by those awful perfume people. Stopping and going and slowing down constantly. Pointing lost people in the right direction just so they'll get the hell out of the way. Being asked by sales associates before I've even actually walked into the store if I need help.
It is all so exhausting. And all on four hours of sleep because my kid was puking Exorcist style all night long the night before this excitement.
My only safe haven is Hot Topic. I buy my sisters some accessories. They are my future punk rockers, even though they don't fully know it yet. Then I realize how cheap everything is, and remember that I have a gift card in my bag somewhere...and ohhh look, isn't that cute? Yup, that'll be my present to myself for enduring this horrific day.
One more stop after that, and everything is done.
Except, I realize that I don't have tape at home to wrap things. Or wrapping paper to wrap it all in. And oh hey, I've got some spending money now. I can finally go and buy that pill-splitter I need, and oh some Apricot face scrub, because my skin's been horrible since I kicked ass-face out and threw the face wash in his bags since it was technically his.
So to CVS it is. They have everything I need, and for cheap. Plus, I forgot some stupid stocking stuffers. What a stupid idea. Stockings.
At this point, I am officially exhausted. And I haven't had anything but a coffee all day. The hunger mixed with exhaustion mixed with my sheer exasperation with dealing with people for the past few hours has driven me mad. I am at the point where I now, officially hate Christmas.
To add insult to injury, the whole needing apricot face scrub idea has thrown me for a mental loop. Other than my kid and siblings, I don't have anyone special to shop for. I did buy some presents for one guy, but chances are, I won't see him before Christmas. Or on Christmas. Or any time after that, because he's been a downright fucking fuck lately. Distant and only sending weird, random texts, and not responding to me when I offer to hang out. I will more than likely regret buying those gifts, since I am almost positive at this point the feeling isn't mutual, and if it is, well, he needs to pull his head out of his ass. Either way, I bought the gifts a while ago, and there's no returning them now. So he'll get them no matter what, even if I have to leave them on his doorstep.
Other than that fact though, is the fact that on Christmas morning, it'll just be me and my kid. And all of the gifts under that tree will be for him. And should I get gifts from my family when I see them...I already know what they're going to be. Because they ask me what I want. And I tell them what it is I need. Like new socks, or pillows. Or an iron. And there is absolutely no fun in that. There's no surprise.
This stupid apricot face scrub has reminded me that I will not be getting random, wonderful presents that someone bought with just me in mind because they thought of me. And I don't get to do that for anyone else. I get to open presents with my kid on Christmas morning, spend a little time with him, and then bring him to his dad's house. And since I don't have anyone special in my life, I will go back home, and I will undoubtedly mope while I pick up the mess that I'm sure is going to happen post gift opening.
All of these awful, self pitying thoughts are being thought while I'm in the middle of CVS, picking out over priced wrapping paper. Because nothing says Merry Christmas like some self loathing. My thoughts are interrupted by what is surely to be the absolute most ridiculous thing I will have witnessed all day long.
There at the check out counter is a woman shrieking about York Peppermint Patties.
The poor girl behind the counter is confused and lost and not sure what the woman is talking about. She thinks it's about the price. The woman is peeved that there's no mints where the sign says they're supposed to be. She can't comprehend that the damn things are on sale and that there aren't any more of them. Now she's getting absolutely hysterical that the associates have told her they're not getting another shipment of the special Christmas ones before Christmas. And no, the regular ones won't do. Will they give her the regular ones for the sale price of the Christmas themed ones? What do you mean you can't do that!? Do you know another store that has any more of the patties?!
And in the middle of CVS, I absolutely die of laughter on the inside at the absolutely absurdity of people. Forget the meaning behind Christmas. Forget Jesus and God. Forget families and memories. Forget love and peace.
It's not about that. It's about getting all the toys on your list. It's about getting that good parking spot. It's about forgetting about all of your good manners that you're supposed to have. It's about Christmas themed peppermint patties and finding just the right gift. And getting a good deal. Everything else be damned.
I tell you, I was so grateful to be home and away from all of that nonsense and chaos that I did not leave my house the entire next day. It was Sunday. I had laundry to do. Grocery shopping that needed to be done. Garbage that needed to be taken out. Instead, I became one with my couch and opted to not even take my chances around that insanity. Everything else can wait until after Christmas.
I will be locking myself in my house until then. I will happily make my house Christmas spirit filled. I will bake cookies with my kid. We'll watch Christmas movies and spend quality time with each other. I will make memories with him. We'll sing and dance to Christmas music. We might even make a gingerbread house. And I will ingrain in his head what Christmas is actually about it. He's used to my lectures about things, he's gotten a lot of them lately. Treating people fairly. Equality. Race Issues. Respect. Gut Instincts. All sorts of things. This will just be one more thing that I drill into his brain: Christmas is about spending time with people you love, not about the presents. I will be damned if he ever turns into one of those horrific people I encountered while I was shopping.
On that note, I hope that you have a very Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or whatever else it is that you may celebrate. I wish you happy memories and good times, and an endless amount of love.
I don't actually hate Christmas. Just Christmas shopping. It's a lot of humming and hawing and all for what...ONE DAY?
I am considering converting to Judaism just because it seems like they've got the right idea with dragging the event out instead of letting it last for one measly day and then calling it quits.
Either way, whatever religious or non-religious side you're on...the fact remains, that we all have to buy presents for the people that we care about.
In the past, I have strictly on-line shopped for gifts. It lets me avoid the malls, the crowds, the traffic and the inevitable desire to want to murder everyone around me. This year, I was fortunate enough to run into money issues that did not allow me to order things online with enough of a guarantee that they'll be at my house by the time the big day comes.
I got to relive all of the wonderful American past times involved with holiday shopping.
My mission was to buy presents for four kids, my son and then my three littlest siblings, ages eight, six, and two. My next closest sibling is sixteen and his gift was easy enough. I brought him and his girlfriend to New York City for the day to see Crown the Empire in concert. And that lucky little bastard got them to sign his hoodie. (Granted, I met them too, got to see them and shake their hands and fan girl and what not) He's never getting a present from me again. That gift equals ten Christmas presents.
So, shopping for four kids. Easy. I already knew what I was going to buy all of them. Even easier. Ohhhhhhhhhh no. Not easy. Shopping the last weekend before Christmas, easy? Haha, I must have been suffering an aneurysm when I got that brilliant idea.
Let me recap to you how this went down:
First stop. Toys R Us.
I was feeling good on my way there. There wasn't any traffic, I got through the lights and into the parking lot quickly enough. Here is where the trouble starts though. Parking is an absolute nightmare. Cars are lined up and down the main drive, hoping to find a spot up close. Meanwhile, you're coming down a lane after not having any luck and needing to get to the main drive so that you can also join the crowd in searching down more lanes for a spot. But OH NO, GOD FORBID anyone lets you in the never ending stream of cars and back out into traffic. Because I absolutely love sitting there for twenty minutes, wasting gas just sitting there and idling while I move my car out inch by inch as a way of saying, "Hey there ass face, you're going to let me in or you're going to hit me. You decide." Never mind the speakers in my car don't work so it's not like I can try and forget this catastrophe with some holiday music. Or maybe death metal, to help fit my present mood.
After getting into traffic again and eventually finding a parking spot (which I will later forget where that is, and end up walking around the lot for a half an hour because I can't use my key-fob since I lost that in New York City somewhere) I make my way towards the actual store.
First though, I have to navigate my physical being through the aforementioned traffic. It's a little easier since I'm considerably smaller and easier to navigate than a car, but it's still equally as risky. Doesn't matter though...play a human version of Frogger through the parking lot and make it to the front door. Where I'm barraged by state troopers and hospital workers asking for donations to the local Children's Hospital. Naturally, my caring nature makes me consider the sick, needy children as I walk through the store. And of course I buy something for them. Good karma and all.
STORES. THESE DAMN STORES. I swear to GOD for Christmas stores PURPOSELY make it impossible for you to walk around without having to walk through the whole store first. Actually, I know they do that on purpose. It's good business sense. Make it so that we all only have one way to go, and there's no way we'll miss anything, and be more likely to buy stuff. Well...FUCK YOUR GOOD BUSINESS SENSE.
Christmas shoppers....for the LOVE OF GOD please, PLEASE know what it is you're going to buy before you go into a store. You walking around aimlessly, stopping randomly in the MIDDLE of an aisle with your big ass cart that you're not going to move no matter HOW many times I politely say excuse me.....none of that HELPS the actual shopping process. What it DOES do however is slow down everyone around you. We all now have to navigate around your stupid ass, while you look at your list and consult with the three other people you brought along with you. And for whatever reason, when I get fed up with you being in my way and not moving your cart, you are ballsy enough to glare at me when I take matters into my own hands and move the cart myself. Enjoy a nice dose of bitch face as I continue on by you...you who has now wasted five whole minutes of my life with your silly antics.
If everyone knows what they're going to buy before they go into the store, it makes things ten times easier. You won't be frantic and in my way, for example. You'll get what you need and quickly get the fuck out. But that's too easy. That's too much to ask.
So here I am, navigating my way through the store, ear buds in and music on full blast, so that it's aware to everyone that I am in a hurry and in no need of help or assistance or desiring for a random stranger to ask me what I think of this particular toy even though I don't personally know the kid they're shopping for. What a stupid thing to ask someone.
Anyway, obviously in a hurry and in no desire to chat, I see one of my patients. I offer a polite smile and continue walking , but am quickly thrown for a loop when she grabs onto my arm as I walk by her and swings me around to chat. DEAR GOD. WHY ME? WHY HERE?
She starts with: I think that I need to call you on Monday to talk about my bill.
Me, in my head: Well good, call me on Monday. I've got better shit to do lady. I don't come out into public to work.
Me, in actuality: Oh yeah, I remember sending you a letter. Definitely call me on Monday. (It's actually been four letters at this point. And I'm turning to walk away. Putting my ear buds back in.)
Her: I don't understand how I have a bill. I have two insurances. I shouldn't have a bill. And for thirteen dollars? What a weird amount.
Me, in my head: DEAR GOD. CALL ME ON MONDAY. DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE MY COMPUTER IN FRONT OF ME? DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I HAVE HUNDREDS OF FINANCIAL ACCOUNTS MEMORIZED!!?!?! (In all fairness, I DO have hers memorized. The thirteen dollars is from her deductible. For the one insurance I have on file for her. Her second one was inactive at the time. But I'm not about to tell her this. I am not on the clock. I am not available to her in that particular capacity at this moment.)
Me, in actuality: Yeah, that is weird. Give me a call on Monday, and I'll take a look and see what's going on. If there's two insurances your secondary should have picked that up. We'll get it figured out.
She continues to try to talk to me, but now I am officially walking away from her because now she has made me one of those annoying people who stands in the middle of an aisle to stop and chat with a million people trying to navigate around them, and I will just not be a part of that.
Next on the agenda: The Christmas shopper who will fight you to the death for an item.
I have had few occasions where this actually happened to me. But it has happened. There is one of something on a shelf...the last one, and you see another person going for it the same time that you do. You turn to check them out, see what your chances are of dying if you try to go for it before them. Do they have that crazy look in their eyes? Do they look like they might have rabies? Will they sit on you and crush you to death from how fat they are in a terrible, adult temper tantrum because you got the toy before them?
Now see, I have never, ever been in a situation with a person like that. Namely because no toy is worth fighting to the death for. If you look that insistent on needing to just have that toy, I'm gonna let you get it. If it means that much to you to take on a random stranger for a toy, you go ahead an be my guest. My kid, my siblings, will all live without it. They can have something else. They're not picky. They'll appreciate anything that I give them. You go ahead and continue breeding your fantastic breed of spoiled-ness. Enjoy what I'm sure is going to be hell because you've raised a rotten kid who will just die if they don't get exactly what they asked for.
Ugh.
Can't find half of the stuff on my list at this point. Damn stores are so confusing and nothing is stocked. Substitutions are made. A series of calls is placed to my father to make sure that no one else has bought what I've chosen as my substitutions. He has no idea, so I take my chances. Speed walk my way around the masses to check out, which thankfully goes smoothly.
From there, it's back out into parking lot hell. If hell exists, in my head, it is something akin to a before-Christmas parking lot. I would probably rather be in actual hell than in this parking lot again.
From there I make my way to Best Buy. Where I cannot, for the life of me, find any actual DVDs, or anyone to point me in the right direction. Every associate is busy explaining this thing or that thing to a shopper who has no idea what they're actually looking for. Most look like moms who were sent on a mission for an electronic device that they've never even heard of before now.
I eventually find what I'm looking for without much incident. The only slightly aggravating thing was a grown ass man yelling to someone about xbox games. Not awful though.
I saved the most horrific thing for last though....the mall.
OH. THE MALL. AND MALL SHOPPERS.
The mall can be compared to Toys R Us, just on a much grander scale, traffic and all. By some small miracle, I find a parking spot close to the front of the book store. The book store is my kid's favorite place in the mall, and most of his presents are acquired here. I also have the issue with them not having exactly what he asked for, but that's okay. I found other things. Plus, there's a whole mall out there with other potential things to buy.
The bookstore is easy to do. There's not a whole lot of people in there. (What!? People don't want books for Christmas? They'd rather have more modern stuff? Get outta here. Thank God my kid is awesome.) It makes it easy to find what I need and get out of there quickly.
I had a moment of pure elation when I brought the bags from the book store out to my car. I was just dumping the stuff off in my car and going back in to actually go shopping in the mall. Sure enough, as soon as a car saw me walking out and to my own car, they car-stalked me back to my parking spot. I can just imagine their delight in finding a spot SO CLOSE, and then their absolute disappointment when they realized I wasn't leaving. HA HA. Serves you right for car stalking. I hate having a car sit behind me and wait for my spot. I feel rushed that way. I need time to dig my glasses out of the bottom of my bag. Get my seat belt on. Adjust my phone in its holder and try and find something to listen to on Jango since my speakers don't work and I can't sit in a silent car. DO NOT WAIT BEHIND ME. KEEP DRIVING BUDDY, I WILL NOT BE RUSHED! I bet you were one of those asses who wouldn't let me back into traffic earlier.
Back into the mall I go. Speed walking around people again. Trying to force my way around the masses who have yet again just stopped dead in the middle of the walkway! WHAT GIVES PEOPLE!? DID NO ONE TEACH YOU TO MOVE TO THE SIDE IF YOU NEED TO STOP!?!!? SHAME ON YOUR PARENTS FOR RAISING YOU SO POORLY.
Getting hit in the shins by people's shopping bags. Nearly being run down by strollers time and time again. Being bombarded by those awful perfume people. Stopping and going and slowing down constantly. Pointing lost people in the right direction just so they'll get the hell out of the way. Being asked by sales associates before I've even actually walked into the store if I need help.
It is all so exhausting. And all on four hours of sleep because my kid was puking Exorcist style all night long the night before this excitement.
My only safe haven is Hot Topic. I buy my sisters some accessories. They are my future punk rockers, even though they don't fully know it yet. Then I realize how cheap everything is, and remember that I have a gift card in my bag somewhere...and ohhh look, isn't that cute? Yup, that'll be my present to myself for enduring this horrific day.
One more stop after that, and everything is done.
Except, I realize that I don't have tape at home to wrap things. Or wrapping paper to wrap it all in. And oh hey, I've got some spending money now. I can finally go and buy that pill-splitter I need, and oh some Apricot face scrub, because my skin's been horrible since I kicked ass-face out and threw the face wash in his bags since it was technically his.
So to CVS it is. They have everything I need, and for cheap. Plus, I forgot some stupid stocking stuffers. What a stupid idea. Stockings.
At this point, I am officially exhausted. And I haven't had anything but a coffee all day. The hunger mixed with exhaustion mixed with my sheer exasperation with dealing with people for the past few hours has driven me mad. I am at the point where I now, officially hate Christmas.
To add insult to injury, the whole needing apricot face scrub idea has thrown me for a mental loop. Other than my kid and siblings, I don't have anyone special to shop for. I did buy some presents for one guy, but chances are, I won't see him before Christmas. Or on Christmas. Or any time after that, because he's been a downright fucking fuck lately. Distant and only sending weird, random texts, and not responding to me when I offer to hang out. I will more than likely regret buying those gifts, since I am almost positive at this point the feeling isn't mutual, and if it is, well, he needs to pull his head out of his ass. Either way, I bought the gifts a while ago, and there's no returning them now. So he'll get them no matter what, even if I have to leave them on his doorstep.
Other than that fact though, is the fact that on Christmas morning, it'll just be me and my kid. And all of the gifts under that tree will be for him. And should I get gifts from my family when I see them...I already know what they're going to be. Because they ask me what I want. And I tell them what it is I need. Like new socks, or pillows. Or an iron. And there is absolutely no fun in that. There's no surprise.
This stupid apricot face scrub has reminded me that I will not be getting random, wonderful presents that someone bought with just me in mind because they thought of me. And I don't get to do that for anyone else. I get to open presents with my kid on Christmas morning, spend a little time with him, and then bring him to his dad's house. And since I don't have anyone special in my life, I will go back home, and I will undoubtedly mope while I pick up the mess that I'm sure is going to happen post gift opening.
All of these awful, self pitying thoughts are being thought while I'm in the middle of CVS, picking out over priced wrapping paper. Because nothing says Merry Christmas like some self loathing. My thoughts are interrupted by what is surely to be the absolute most ridiculous thing I will have witnessed all day long.
There at the check out counter is a woman shrieking about York Peppermint Patties.
The poor girl behind the counter is confused and lost and not sure what the woman is talking about. She thinks it's about the price. The woman is peeved that there's no mints where the sign says they're supposed to be. She can't comprehend that the damn things are on sale and that there aren't any more of them. Now she's getting absolutely hysterical that the associates have told her they're not getting another shipment of the special Christmas ones before Christmas. And no, the regular ones won't do. Will they give her the regular ones for the sale price of the Christmas themed ones? What do you mean you can't do that!? Do you know another store that has any more of the patties?!
And in the middle of CVS, I absolutely die of laughter on the inside at the absolutely absurdity of people. Forget the meaning behind Christmas. Forget Jesus and God. Forget families and memories. Forget love and peace.
It's not about that. It's about getting all the toys on your list. It's about getting that good parking spot. It's about forgetting about all of your good manners that you're supposed to have. It's about Christmas themed peppermint patties and finding just the right gift. And getting a good deal. Everything else be damned.
I tell you, I was so grateful to be home and away from all of that nonsense and chaos that I did not leave my house the entire next day. It was Sunday. I had laundry to do. Grocery shopping that needed to be done. Garbage that needed to be taken out. Instead, I became one with my couch and opted to not even take my chances around that insanity. Everything else can wait until after Christmas.
I will be locking myself in my house until then. I will happily make my house Christmas spirit filled. I will bake cookies with my kid. We'll watch Christmas movies and spend quality time with each other. I will make memories with him. We'll sing and dance to Christmas music. We might even make a gingerbread house. And I will ingrain in his head what Christmas is actually about it. He's used to my lectures about things, he's gotten a lot of them lately. Treating people fairly. Equality. Race Issues. Respect. Gut Instincts. All sorts of things. This will just be one more thing that I drill into his brain: Christmas is about spending time with people you love, not about the presents. I will be damned if he ever turns into one of those horrific people I encountered while I was shopping.
On that note, I hope that you have a very Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or whatever else it is that you may celebrate. I wish you happy memories and good times, and an endless amount of love.