There is an epidemic happening. Not Ebola. Not bird flu. Not smallpox. Ohhh no, my friends, there is an epidedic going around that is more horrifying than any natural disaster or population controlling disease.
The epidemic is the dick pic. And the skeevy guys who do such a thing. Typically without any warning beforehand, mind you! I don't ask to get these things, I just get them.
Gentlemen. I need to ask you. WHY!? WHY ON EARTH DO YOU DO THIS TO US!?
This is an interesting topic in the area of dating and relationships and what not to me. What's more...why do guys that I don't even know, feel the need to send me pictures of their junk? What do you honestly think that I am getting out of that?
It's like some horrible human version of a peacock and its feathers. Are you really trying to pull a move from the animal kingdom in order to date me? (Let's be honest, you're not trying to date me, you're trying to play pants off dance off with me.) It needs to be clarified here that if you think showing off what you've got is all it takes to bag me...well then buddy, you've got another thing coming.
Sending a girl pictures of your twig and berries puts us in a weird position. Chances are, if you've got our number, we know you on some sort of personal level. Now you've made it awkward for both of us because I will eventually turn down your advances, see you on the street, and we BOTH know that I won't be able to think about anything other than what you're packing because what's been seen cannot be unseen. Talk about uncomfortable silence.
Let's address the actual fact here: Penises are weird. And gross. And sometimes shaped funny. And the issue of size...well...
It seems like every guy thinks that their junk is the most impressive junk in the whole wide world, and as such, should be shared with the whole wide world. I am rarely asked if I would like this kind of picture. I just get it. Sometimes at really weird and potentially embarrassing times; in the middle of meetings, in the middle of a crowded restaurant, with a family member looking over my shoulder. When you snap that pic and send it off into cyberspace via phone, God only KNOWS who else is going to be around to witness my mortification.
I hate to break it to you guys. But the above mentioned weirdness, and grossness, and general unattractiveness of the man bits is true. Girls rarely ask to see what's going on under those Levi's, so please don't volunteer the info. And if you do, you'd better be sure that your parts are impressive. To be frank, I have only been with two men who I thought had genuinely attractive ding-a-lings. Not even with the mechanism of things, (it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean, right?) just the actual physical appearance. Two. That's it. Two out of more-than-two were working with stuff that didn't in some way, make me want to shudder, at least a little bit.
I'm not saying that I don't like your stuff in general, everyone enjoys sexy time. We all accept that we have different (or sometimes same) parts that are usually strange and not really pleasant to look at. But you must do what needs to be done, in order to get down.
Trust me gentlemen, if a girl likes you, she'll appreciate whatever it is you've got going on. Unless she's just interested in sex...in that case, she might just mercilessly mock you if you can't do for her what she needs. But that's between the two of you. And even then, if you sent her a picture, there's a pretty good chance that she's going to show that picture to her inner circle so they can all feel her pain.
Don't just give it all up on a screen that doesn't really do anyone justice anyway. There's nothing sexy about seeing things like that. Only send that if a woman asks for it.
A key part to this is if you're trying to catch a girl's attention, you should probably find better ways to do it. Charm her in other fashions and let all of the rest come later. Like I said, if she genuinely likes you and cares about you, it won't matter to her how your penis looks.
Just in case you need someone to hold your hand through the acceptable ways of charming ladies, here are some suggestions:
- Take her out somewhere. Open doors for her. Let her order first. Share in conversation that is interesting. Make her laugh. Hold her hand. Put your hand on the small of her back as you're walking along somewhere. Pay for whatever it is you're doing. If she tries to offer to pay, deny her. Be a true gentlemen.
- Learn something about her, or something that she likes and take a genuine interest in that. Put a little effort into it. If she mentions she loves a certain band, spend an afternoon youtubing them so that you can talk to her later about them. Suggest some other band or movie she might like based on her interests. Hint: That's a good date idea.
- Pay attention to the little things. Remember her favorite kind of bagel. Or how she likes her coffee. If she says she saw something in a store that she likes, go back another time and buy it for her. Surprise her. Order her favorite dessert when you go to dinner. Rent her favorite movie and bring over her favorite candy. Remember her sibling’s names. Remember her parent's names. Things like that. It shows that you give a damn.
- Be witty. Be funny and cunning. No one likes dull conversation. Talk about something that seems totally off the wall. Be animated and excited about it. Discuss something you're passionate about. Have a lively, healthy debate. Teach her something new.
- PLAN! I cannot express this one enough. Planning comes in all sorts of forms, for all sorts of things. Our generation has this God awful habit of not wanting to show who we actually are as people. We have a hard time suggesting things to do, places to go and eat. How many times have you had the "Where do you want to go for dinner?" conversation...the one where no one knows what the hell they want to eat, ever? We're all so afraid of stepping on toes and not wanting to offend anyone or seem weird, so we don't just throw ideas out there. I have NEVER, EVER been told "Hey, let's go to dinner on Friday night. I want to take you to __________, so dress in something that doesn't involve sneakers. Then I figured after that we could walk around the park and get ice cream." Or something along those lines. It's always a long, mind numbing process of trying to decide what to do and when to do it and where to go. There is a difference between making sure I like sushi (I don't) and trying to diffuse a bomb. There is something insanely sexy about a guy who is confident enough in himself and his decisions. It shows that you plan on taking care of us, that you're thinking ahead, that in your head, you see us in a certain place. And that bodes well for you.
Use a combination of these things, and I guarantee that any sane girl would jump at the chance to go out. No dick pics involved. Let her fall for the rest of you before she falls for your tool.
The epidemic is the dick pic. And the skeevy guys who do such a thing. Typically without any warning beforehand, mind you! I don't ask to get these things, I just get them.
Gentlemen. I need to ask you. WHY!? WHY ON EARTH DO YOU DO THIS TO US!?
This is an interesting topic in the area of dating and relationships and what not to me. What's more...why do guys that I don't even know, feel the need to send me pictures of their junk? What do you honestly think that I am getting out of that?
It's like some horrible human version of a peacock and its feathers. Are you really trying to pull a move from the animal kingdom in order to date me? (Let's be honest, you're not trying to date me, you're trying to play pants off dance off with me.) It needs to be clarified here that if you think showing off what you've got is all it takes to bag me...well then buddy, you've got another thing coming.
Sending a girl pictures of your twig and berries puts us in a weird position. Chances are, if you've got our number, we know you on some sort of personal level. Now you've made it awkward for both of us because I will eventually turn down your advances, see you on the street, and we BOTH know that I won't be able to think about anything other than what you're packing because what's been seen cannot be unseen. Talk about uncomfortable silence.
Let's address the actual fact here: Penises are weird. And gross. And sometimes shaped funny. And the issue of size...well...
It seems like every guy thinks that their junk is the most impressive junk in the whole wide world, and as such, should be shared with the whole wide world. I am rarely asked if I would like this kind of picture. I just get it. Sometimes at really weird and potentially embarrassing times; in the middle of meetings, in the middle of a crowded restaurant, with a family member looking over my shoulder. When you snap that pic and send it off into cyberspace via phone, God only KNOWS who else is going to be around to witness my mortification.
I hate to break it to you guys. But the above mentioned weirdness, and grossness, and general unattractiveness of the man bits is true. Girls rarely ask to see what's going on under those Levi's, so please don't volunteer the info. And if you do, you'd better be sure that your parts are impressive. To be frank, I have only been with two men who I thought had genuinely attractive ding-a-lings. Not even with the mechanism of things, (it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean, right?) just the actual physical appearance. Two. That's it. Two out of more-than-two were working with stuff that didn't in some way, make me want to shudder, at least a little bit.
I'm not saying that I don't like your stuff in general, everyone enjoys sexy time. We all accept that we have different (or sometimes same) parts that are usually strange and not really pleasant to look at. But you must do what needs to be done, in order to get down.
Trust me gentlemen, if a girl likes you, she'll appreciate whatever it is you've got going on. Unless she's just interested in sex...in that case, she might just mercilessly mock you if you can't do for her what she needs. But that's between the two of you. And even then, if you sent her a picture, there's a pretty good chance that she's going to show that picture to her inner circle so they can all feel her pain.
Don't just give it all up on a screen that doesn't really do anyone justice anyway. There's nothing sexy about seeing things like that. Only send that if a woman asks for it.
A key part to this is if you're trying to catch a girl's attention, you should probably find better ways to do it. Charm her in other fashions and let all of the rest come later. Like I said, if she genuinely likes you and cares about you, it won't matter to her how your penis looks.
Just in case you need someone to hold your hand through the acceptable ways of charming ladies, here are some suggestions:
- Take her out somewhere. Open doors for her. Let her order first. Share in conversation that is interesting. Make her laugh. Hold her hand. Put your hand on the small of her back as you're walking along somewhere. Pay for whatever it is you're doing. If she tries to offer to pay, deny her. Be a true gentlemen.
- Learn something about her, or something that she likes and take a genuine interest in that. Put a little effort into it. If she mentions she loves a certain band, spend an afternoon youtubing them so that you can talk to her later about them. Suggest some other band or movie she might like based on her interests. Hint: That's a good date idea.
- Pay attention to the little things. Remember her favorite kind of bagel. Or how she likes her coffee. If she says she saw something in a store that she likes, go back another time and buy it for her. Surprise her. Order her favorite dessert when you go to dinner. Rent her favorite movie and bring over her favorite candy. Remember her sibling’s names. Remember her parent's names. Things like that. It shows that you give a damn.
- Be witty. Be funny and cunning. No one likes dull conversation. Talk about something that seems totally off the wall. Be animated and excited about it. Discuss something you're passionate about. Have a lively, healthy debate. Teach her something new.
- PLAN! I cannot express this one enough. Planning comes in all sorts of forms, for all sorts of things. Our generation has this God awful habit of not wanting to show who we actually are as people. We have a hard time suggesting things to do, places to go and eat. How many times have you had the "Where do you want to go for dinner?" conversation...the one where no one knows what the hell they want to eat, ever? We're all so afraid of stepping on toes and not wanting to offend anyone or seem weird, so we don't just throw ideas out there. I have NEVER, EVER been told "Hey, let's go to dinner on Friday night. I want to take you to __________, so dress in something that doesn't involve sneakers. Then I figured after that we could walk around the park and get ice cream." Or something along those lines. It's always a long, mind numbing process of trying to decide what to do and when to do it and where to go. There is a difference between making sure I like sushi (I don't) and trying to diffuse a bomb. There is something insanely sexy about a guy who is confident enough in himself and his decisions. It shows that you plan on taking care of us, that you're thinking ahead, that in your head, you see us in a certain place. And that bodes well for you.
Use a combination of these things, and I guarantee that any sane girl would jump at the chance to go out. No dick pics involved. Let her fall for the rest of you before she falls for your tool.